Going to training camp

The Pittsburgh Steelers completed their first weekend of training camp as they prepare to defend their Super Bowl XL championship.

Ben Roethlisberger showed up without a protective plastic bubble and participated in regular drills (although he performed the Steelers’ infamous “run test” with a pair of lineman rather than the other backs). Naturally, he was a little rusty, but that’s not really a concern. You’d expect a little rust even if he didn’t take on a two-ton automobile with his face at the intersection of 10th Street and Second Avenue just under two months ago.

It looks like he’ll be ready to go.

The big question, though… Will Joey D be ready to go when the season starts? And I’m not talking about the Steelers season. I can take care of that. That’s cake. The season in question is season two of Fox’s “smash hit,” The War at Home.

In the grand tradition of Bob Braughler’s "I read Leviticus so you don’t have to," I have decided to offer my own series: "I watch The War at Home so you don’t have to."

When Family Guy ended last night (a strong offering with an outstanding montage of Adam West spanking Chris to Alice Cooper's No More Mr. Nice Guy – I'm going to teach you the lesson that it's not okay to be a freshman), The War at Home came galumphing on immediately after like some great dane puppy – an awkward an unseemly beast with no manners and no idea how lucky it is to be in its current home (namely Fox’s sweet Sunday Night Lineup).

Like the dog, it didn’t take long for it to knock over some chairs and knick-knacks, chew the furniture and take a steaming dump on the rug. I could only get through about six minutes before I had to switch over to one of Chappelle’s Show’s Lost Episodes.

Those six agonizing minutes made me realize I have to go to my own version of training camp. If I’m to offer a thorough and insightful breakdown of each episode, not only will I have to watch the show at least once, I’ll probably need to go back over it at least one more time. That’s at least 44 minutes of The War at Home (sans commercials). Last night was like a no-contact drill with just helmets and shoulder pads followed by some light running. And you know what? I was woefully out of shape…

Next week, I vow to make it at least to the second commercial break. Also, to help build my tolerance for truly awful programming, I will watch at least two full syndicated episodes of That 70’s Show as some added conditioning.

Don’t worry, when Fox proudly rolls out the season-opener of The War at Home on September 10th, I’ll be waiting… in a three-point stance… to light that bitch up.

We will...

I just realized something that almost completely blew my mind. It also gave me a reason to care about the rest of the Pittsburgh Pirates’ season, which, around the City of Pittsburgh, unofficially ends tomorrow (the start of Steelers training camp).

I heard last night that, despite some incredible pitching performances by Carlos Zambrano, the Chicago Cubs had only 39 wins so far this season. I couldn’t believe it. I said to Jen, who couldn’t care less, “I think that’s pretty darn close to the Pirates.”

Could Chicago really suck that bad? Has the White Sox World Series victory completely sucked all of the baseball karma in that city directly to the south side? I verified it on espn.com today, and it turns out that, yes, the Cubs (39-61) do suck almost as badly as the Pirates this year. The Pirates (37-66) trail the Cubs by only three and a half games for the coveted fifth-place slot in National League Central Division race.

With Jason "Jay" Bay and Freddie “Hit Man” Sanchez playing as well as they are and Ian Snell pitching as well as he is (I remember watching him in frickin’ Double-A just two years ago in Altoona), I think the Pirates have a legitimate shot of catching the Cubs and making that team look really, really pathetic.

It they did, I would find that extremely satisfying on a personal level.

One of the main reasons Jen and I decided to go to Chicago on our honeymoon was Wrigley Field. I wanted to see a game at historic Wrigley Field before they tore it down. The problem was that when we called for tickets to a Friday afternoon game, they were nearly sold out (don’t people work in Chicago?). Not to worry, though. They still had some bleacher seats available for $70 each. Each! If you don’t know how bleacher seats work at Wrigley Field, let’s just say that if you have a nice spot and you’re lucky enough to have an unobstructed view of the field, DO NOT GET UP, because those seats would then be game for anyone else with a bleacher ticket. It’s high-school-sports rules at good ol’ Wrigley.

When I heard the $70 news, I was kind of upset. Why the hell would I pay $70 to watch the Mets pound a team that was probably going to finish in fifth place in the NL Central? How could they justify that? I can go watch a barely crappier team get killed in a beautiful new stadium in a reserved bleacher seat for $14. And now it turns out that Pirates may not even be a crappier team than the Cubs? Shame on you, Cubs box office. Shame...

We Will… not finish in the basement.

So, purely for spite... Go Bucs!!!

Like MySpace, only it's really "my space"

For anyone just finding stumbling upon this weblog, welcome.

For anyone whose come here from my unnamed "MySpace blog," welcome.

I have nothing against MySpace. It's great, really. It's allowed me to catch up with some old friends. But when it comes to blogging, I find its tools to be a little counterintuitive. Also, there's something I find slightly embarrassing about telling people, "Hey. You should check out my blog on MySpace." I think it's also kind of scared some people away. I'm not sure I know why, and I'm not sure I want to know.

Anyway, I intend to keep posting on that site as well as this one, although the posts will be pretty much exactly the same. After awhile, though, I intend for this to be the signature stop for my essentially worthless views on pop culture, sports, family life, etc.

Thanks for stopping by.